God created the world...and then He created man & woman... and He said "Be fruitful and multiply."
So why have I chosen to disobey one of my Savior's first commandments?
Sometimes I wonder myself, but most of my life I have believed that was not His plan for me.
I hope to explore this belief, my feelings, insecurities and a lot more during the course of this blog. I am interested to hear some thoughts other than mine to perhaps encourage me as I am living with my decision and having mixed feelings from time to time. I would also welcome thoughts that are not in agreement with me, although I think it is probably too late to change my mind at this point in my life.
So please be kind! :)
I am 43 years old. I've been with my wonderful husband Brian for almost 13 years now. I truly believe that God sent him to me as a gift during a difficult period in my life. He loves me better than I deserve much of the time, and has always completely and totally supported my belief that I am not meant to have children.
But what happens when he is gone? Not that I claim to know which one of us will go home first, but from a historical perspective in my family, the women always seem to live longer. Some have nearly lived to be 100! So naturally, I worry about who will care for me when I am left behind. I try to avert the worry, knowing that God will take care of me, but I am not always successful.
Do these worries make me less of a Christian? Do my decisions?
I have many more thoughts, worries, questions and feelings to explore. As I said, it's only the beginning, and I have a lifetime to explore...
Sandra, I respect your decision, but I have to wonder what caused you to make this choice. My sister knew that she could never be a good mother because of her temper. She loves children, but they NEED to go home after a while or she will lose it which is never pretty! There are others who make this decision out of fear or selfishness, but children are a gift from God. They teach us so much about ourselves and about who God is. Sometimes I look at this crazy, mixed-up world and wonder why I had children, but then I remember that God is in control. He decided if and when we would have our children, and He will be here no matter what happens in the future. His ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55) and He knows the plans He has for me - and them - (Jeremiah 29:11). Daily, I must put my two children back in His capable hands and teach them to always seek Him.
ReplyDeleteAs for being less of a Christian, that is not possible. Pardon the pun here, but being less of a Christian is like being less pregnant! You either are or you aren't. There is no middle ground. God loves you and He wants to know you and be known deeply by you. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6). I believe that if it is God's will for you to be a mom, then no decision you make can stop it. If you had decided you wanted children, there's no guarantee that God had that gift for you. Seek His will as Mary did when Gabriel told her that she was already with child. "Let it be unto me as you have said," (Luke).
This may be rambling, but I'm tired. It's been a long day, and there's still more to be done. The kids are in bed, so I can get my homework done now. ;)
Blessings!
EvaMarie
Thanks EvaMarie,
ReplyDeleteWow! I appreciate your input very much! You seem to have a great commitment to your family and to surely know God's will for your life. How awesome for you!
Perhaps that is something I lack!
Children are definitely a gift and often a blessing. I look at my family - my mom, grandmother, aunt, great-grandmother, and so on - they all (obviously) had children. I assume they WANTED to have them. What if I don't want it? To be honest, I don't know that I ever have...
Your sister and I seem to share something, in that she must have also felt that she was not cut out for motherhood. I guess we all have our reasons for believing that about ourselves. I feel that if I had been meant to have children, God would have given me that desire.
But I still wonder sometimes...